From the very beginning of my ministry life I have sought out examples of spiritual leaders and pastors. Unfortunately in my life a common thread has been their failure to keep the covenant of their marriage pure. The Pastor who inspired me to be a pastor failed in this area. One of my key mentors and examples failed in this regard. I’ve watched others like Bill, Brian and now Phil fail. They have all been sources of inspiration to me at certain points in my ministry life. But in this key area they have failed.

Yancey is not a fancy sneaker wearing mega-church Pastor. He is a winsome, wise author whose journey from a legalistic church background to one of our most significant popular theologians was significant. How at such an elderly age, when the finishing line was approaching, could he fail so significantly. His books and thoughts have helped the church in generation altering ways. It is personally sad to see his legacy unwind.

What I have seen in this area of failure is there is no ‘brand’ of Christian leader who is more vulnerable. From the reformed conservatives to pentecostal attractional churches we can list a litany of leaders who have failed. It would be easy to categorise this as a style issue, it is not, it is clearly a spiritual one. While the reasons and conditions that allow it may vary, one element is the same. It is a sin. A breaking of the covenantal promise you made before God and community.

Marriage is a covenant, a promise you make, for life. Marriage is not easy. The person you marry is not the same person they were 30 years ago, and neither are you. Marriage is at its best is when you grow together, observing and witnessing the other person, encouraging them and cheering them on. Anyone who has been married for over ten years, twenty or thirty years will tell you it comes with equal measures of challenge, joy, commitment and strength.

Most pastors and spiritual leaders do not fail in this area. Most pastors are wonderful and authentic examples of long term commitment to one person for life. I have many great examples of this in my life.

Here are some thoughts in brief

You are only as accountable to any system, mentor, net nanny, as you allow. No system will stop you if you truly want to sin in this area. It is your choice.

I don’t understand how someone can effectively minister if they are continually sinning in this area. However there are many examples of Pastors who have been sinning significantly and yet at the same time continue to minister with ‘success’. I don’t understand this personally but I acknowledge it happens. To preach and share and lead I need the presence of the Holy Spirit. Without Him I am not able to minister effectively.

Those of us in leadership are more accountable to the church and community. There is a higher standard we have when we choose to teach and lead. If you don’t want this, don’t lead. I also acknowledge that some Pastors have unrealistic scrutiny and lack of support. This is unfortunate and may contribute to a spiritual failing. I have observed this in a church setting. It is not an excuse but may be a contributing reason.

Those of us in leadership are also more targeted in the spiritual realm. The Devil is real and works against us.

I believe and hope that staying close to Jesus, reading your bible prayerfully, singing and worshipping Jesus and daily meditating on God’s grace helps you stop sinning. The weekly rhythm of church helps us in spiritual discipline.

I think honest and open confession with a trusted friend, pastor, mentor, peer group, connect group will help. Openly sharing what is actually going on in your mind helps. A true friend will correct, rebuke and bring reality to you.