Rick Warren tweeted this this morning… ‘ Never ruin an apology by adding an excuse’.
Very compelling statement. There may be reasons why you have messed up, why things have not gone well. But often when you have hurt someone, or made a mistake…the last thing they want to hear is excuses. All they want is a simple yet profound and sincere… ‘sorry’
In a related thought, perhaps this is why Yumi Stynes and George Negus are still being criticized after the incident with Colonel Roberts Smith.
I conduct funerals on a semi-regular basis. People from church, friends and friends of friends….I have also attended many as well. 
One thing that strikes me is the variation in honesty and frankness at a funeral.
Some people were not nice, and despite a veneer of respectability, they were mean, selfish and bad parents. But it is so much more complex than that. Different children can describe the same parent in such a vastly different way, it is astounding…and almost monotonously regular.
One funeral I conducted was fascinating. The middle aged children sat down to talk with me about their mother. After many moments of awkward silence, they came out with it. She was not a good mother. She loved horses to the exclusion of her kids. Sometimes the children would be waiting in the rain to be picked up, sometimes for hours, because mum was down at the stables.
Interestingly, speaking to me was quite cathartic. They were then able to share some of the good things about their mum. There nearly always is something good, something we can laugh about together. I try to give freedom to laugh at a funeral, particularly if there is tension and unsaid things.
What has made me uneasy is when the person is celebrated as a ‘good bloke’ when in fact he cheated on his wife, numerous times, got drunk…a lot, and there where whispers of things in the family which are awful such as abuse. Something I am learning is the art of telling the truth, but in a gracious way that people are not offended, but still understand what you are communicating. The alternative is to be totally frank and offensive, or dishonest. Telling the truth but in love and respect. I like to think it gives people the opportunity to celebrate what was good, while not hiding what was not. None of us are perfect. Forgiveness is about letting go of that hurt that may have been inflicted on us. Denial is suppressing the truth and pretending awful things never happened.
Either way, a funeral is nearly always a time when you discover lots of things about the person which you had not known before, even if you had lived with them for 40 years! Because we all have different perspectives on people, depending on how they treat us. It is a time for relief, for joy, for sadness. Its a time to understand regret and pain, and let it go.
Sometimes I know a post I write might garner some reaction….
On Monday I visited Wedge Island with a few friends. We had a great time. A beautiful beach you can drive onto, wonderful surf for kids, hot day, blue sky….paradise really.
A cold beer sitting on the beach with friends after swimming. Thats living.
As we drove up the new road the government has built I remembered the first time I visited Wedge. I was with my mate who had a shack in Lancelin and we made the drive up there in his dad’s Jackeroo. A pretty hairy trip if I remember, but at the age of 17…we were bulletproof.
Now with the new road, I think Wedge Islands status as untouched wilderness days are limited. Except it is not untouched. There are a stack of sheds up there in the bush. The people up there have many stickers proclaiming, ‘Save Wedge’. To be frank, it seems to be a rather self serving argument. A few decades ago these people set up their sheds, with no cost, apart from the material. Now they will argue that they take their rubbish out, and don’t wreck the environment. 
Perhaps. But there is a definite sense of entitlement that pervades their mentality, particularly it seems as now Wedge is in reach of most people, particularly those with a 4wd.
All I can say is, I wish I had a shack on free land in paradise. Sounds like something you would want to save. But hardly a fair argument when they never purchased the land like the rest of us have to.
What amazes me about atheists and materialists, people who only believe in biology and chemicals…is that they fail to account for the incredible spirituality we see demonstrated in the arts, in music, in theatre…in nearly every endevour of humankind there has been a striving to connect with something beyond ourselves.
But the truth is….as Christians…as people who are part of a church. How much of what we do…would continue…if the Holy Spriit was removed.