Category Archives: Personal Reflection

Five thoughts around long term pastoring and a bonus one

You either change your church or your church changes you.

Persevere

Of course this is a blanket statement and perhaps it is a bit of both. But when I started there was certainly some patterns, values, structure and most importantly culture at my church that was in serious need of leadership. Leadership in a church context means you call out unhealthy aspects of the body. It means you see what could be and offer a hopeful future. Leadership means you persevere even when there is opposition, misunderstanding, miscommunication and selfishness. There are power dynamics which sometimes need to be challenged and addressed. If a church wants to change they will employ a leader. If they want to continue in their present patterns, they will employ a chaplain.

As a pastor you love people, and love them too much to not want to embrace leading them to green pastures. Embracing the idea that you do have something to offer and your insights and ideas might be helpful can be stressful for those without a holy confidence. In this age where pastors have used their power to abuse, bully and control people for their own ends its important to understand that despite those of ill-heart we are still called to lead. Checking your own heart, motives and spiritual connection is vital. As is embracing the wisdom of others when difficult decisions need to be made. Lead, but lead with love and a vulnerable heart.

The biggest change that will occur will be the one in you.

Embrace Personal Development

Does this statement follow on from the previous one? Stay with me. As a keen and present observer of congregation members, myself as a pastor and other pastors here is an observation. As a Pastor God will wrestle with you, challenge your comfort levels, deal with your spiritual health, your upbringing, your choices, your relationships, your habits, your inner being, your psychological welfare, your resistance to change, your propensity to slip into bad patterns, your mind, your spirit and even your physical health. He will also challenge and inform your spiritual view of the world. You will understand the spiritual battle more so than when you are out of ministry.

Ministry has a way of speeding up and deepening your personal development. It brings into focus who you are as a person and makes you question almost every aspect of your character. You will find yourself in situations where you will question whether you are the right person for this role. There will be moments of serious ‘imposter syndrome’ where you wonder when it will be that people realise you are not qualified, spiritual enough, skilled enough or anywhere near as deep a Christian as they or you think you should be.

A variety of friendships and relationships are vital.

Make friends

When I started out in ministry I was fortunate enough to be placed in a peer group. This group has changed members, flexed and groaned as different members changed churches, ministries and life stages. We have been fortunate to not experience any serious moral failures or terminal lapses of judgement. What we have is been able to tell each other at various times and stages of ministry, you are not deluded, at fault or insane. We have recognised patterns in others ministries, the same type of characters and opponents and critics, and helped each other understand what is happening in various ministry situations. Over 25 years we have listened to, prayed for and supported each other. In the early years of conflict ridden ministry this group was indispensable to me and without them I would not still be in ministry.

I have a number of close friends within church. When I first started older pastors told me not to make friends within church. They were right in that having friends within church has proved problematic at times. When I have needed to have a strong word with them, deal with difficult situations, deal with complex narratives, the distinguishing of roles has not always been easy. Taking of my ‘friends hat’ and putting on my ‘pastors hat’ has been something I have needed to do. Crying with a friend who has had a serious moral failure. Admonishing them to be honest and deal with the ramifications of their failure has been stressful and all encompassing. But I need friends. This has not got easier but in many ways more difficult. But I would not change the joy from having friends in my church, even though they are the ones who can hurt me the most.

I have had some of my closest friends serve with me on staff. They have counselled me, listened to me, cautioned me and even warned me. The wounds of a friend are true and a true friend will inflict those wounds truly. Serving in churches with my friends is the most fun I have had in ministry.

There are a number of intentional friendships I have both with christians and non- church people who do not come to my church. I need friends without the pressure of there being any agenda about my church. Friends who do not see me in any way as their pastor but merely as their friend. Friends who love Jesus, and friends who are friends with me despite not sharing my faith. These are people who I can talk about footy, fishing, life, relationships, children and food without any need to reference what takes up a large portion of my time and emotions.

In my life I have cultivated intentional friendships with mentors, counsellors and other pastors. These are both in my city and without. They are not only from my faith tradition but from a variety of Christian churches. These friends have taught me not to take my Baptist tradition too lightly, but also strengthened why I am Baptist. They have informed me that people with different views and interpretations to mine are great people and can help me in a variety of different ways. They have helped me see that the ‘Church’ across my city in all its different forms meets the needs of a much wider group of people than I ever could. Other local churches are not our competition, they are our family. I love Pastors.

Curiosity keeps you young and fresh

Stay humble and a lifelong learner

I may have been in my church a long time, but there are people there who have been there longer, and they will remain after I have gone. That is a sobering point on several levels. I wondered at one point if my ministry would outlive all who where there before me and it hasn’t. That leads me to an application I can truly say I have sought to execute. To remain a lifelong learner and student in every area of my ministry. I have read countless leadership books, attended multiple conferences and intensives and listened to hundreds of podcasts. I have studied the scripture in fresh and different ways. I have looked into colour, style and form of churches. I have installed lighting and computer systems, upgraded our livestream and listened and learned to those far more skilled than myself in all these areas.

I often think about a couple who have attended my church well before me and calculated they have probably heard me preach at least 1000 sermons. The potential for them to be bored by that is likely. But my role is to inspire, encourage, teach and make relevant the word of God in their lives. If my own relationship with my task as a preacher if stagnant, then there is no hope for it to help them grow. Ever year I have tried to change something simple or fundamental or structural about my communication. How I prepare, what I prepare, what media I use, what I focus on. I have never preached a sermon twice. Never. Every week I ask God to help me preach a message that will transform. It is not only about scriptural exegesis, it is also about me as a communicator.

People will continue to surprise you

Love People

In my ministry life I have been threatened with violence a couple of times. There is no comparison with Jesus and others who have been truly persecuted for their faith. However it is indication of the feeling that having a spiritual authority figure can provoke in some people. For a reason I cannot explain people can get weird with power dynamics in churches. If you seek to lead a church and provoke change, you may provoke anger disappointment and resentment in people. Knowing what battles to pursue, which to put on hold and which to leave is a question of wisdom. It is not something I have always been wise with, but is something I have grown into.

I have sat with people crying with them because they have done something seriously out of character. I have watched from the sidelines as people make foolish decisions around serious issues within their life. I have made some serious mistakes with people particularly around confrontation. I have allowed my own insecurities to govern my decision making, thus not doing what was was wise. I have watched as they walk away from my church and ministry over both a perceived offence, a real offence and as they have refused to extend or receive forgivess. I have also had to deal with some people whose time at my church has needed to come to a conclusion. Churches and pastors hurt people. Sometimes I have worn the sting of how I have hurt someone, and sometimes I have worn the sting of how a previous pastor hurt them. People often bring that hurt with them. I have been seriously hurt as people have ghosted me, misrepresented me and walked away when all I gave was love and care.

I have been amazed as I have seen people step forward for Jesus, say yes to Jesus, be baptised, take up serving, care of others, love people in extraordinary ways and teach me about Jesus. I have watched with wonder as people get lost in praise, pray without ceasing, love without measure and challenge my conscience around finances. They have amazed me as they show grace, fruit of the Spirit and give of themselves way beyond what I thought they would. People have surprised me with their grace and love towards me and their forgiveness.

The Call

Embrace it

A old mentor once said to me, ‘if you don’t like the smell of the sheep, don’t be shepherd’. I don’t know if that is true. There are plenty of times I have not wanted to be a pastor and not liked people. I once advised a group of Indonesian Pastors to not encourage their children to go into the ministry. Ministry is not easy and why would you encourage your children to choose it as a life career? I am not digging ditches in the heat of a Australian summer and probably couldn’t. However a ditch digger does not go home with the weight of congregants issues and the issues of the church on their mind.

I sometimes wish I was not called to be a Pastor. But I am. I love ministry, I love people, I love the church and I love Jesus. With all my heart. I am so glad I am called to ministry. It is a privilege beyond what I deserve. However at times the only factor which has kept me in ministry is the call. That unexplainable word from the Spirit, this is what I have called you to.

This was originally done as a letter to a dear friend and ministry colleague who asked me for five learnings after a long term ministry. I asked for permission to publish it publicly

Not Marking Time

Just a few brief weeks and my time at Inglewood Church draws to a close. It has been a while coming since I announced the news. The last few weeks have been a whirlwind of Spirit inspired activity with baptisms, life changes and some really good ministry.

The normal whirl of Church Social activity is whirring around me as we march relentlessly on towards Christmas. I often say to other Pastors that Sunday comes every week. Christmas comes every year along with Easter. This seasonal activity is meaningful and we look forward to it. But it is also relentless. I won’t be working at Christmas this year, my first one off for over a decade.

I am not slowing down, but I am aware of the impending finish. Taking every opportunity. Thinking of last words in a range of different contexts.

In Between

It has been a while between blog posts.

After 28 years of ministry at Inglewood Community Church, 25 of which were as Senior Pastor, my season at the church is rapidly coming at a close. My wife and I sense quite strongly that our season here is complete. Not in the sense of being perfect, but in the sense that we are finished.

During a time of Long Service Leave earlier on in the year we both prayed and sought God and it become obvious that the disentanglement needed to begin. I can truly say it has been wonderful. You forget all the strain and broken relationships. The conflict. People ghosting you. You try to forget your own mistakes and missteps in leadership.

I can say that I have always loved the church and given myself to it. I have not given up. Even when problems of my own doing occurred, I apologised, brushed myself off and moved on. There have been some very troublesome people in church. For whatever reason the power of influence in a church is attractive to some. There have been others who have died, moved state, and moved on for good reason. I think if everyone who had been a part of the church during my ministry was still there, we would need a much bigger building and multiple services! I am a highly relational person. My strength and my weakness.

My prayer life and general resiliance has kept me going. As has the unwavering support, love and skill of my wife. Along with some amazing staff and volunteers.

Where to next? In Genesis 12 God asked Abraham to leave, and go to a place He would show him. In my life the leaving has always come before the showing. God has never seemed to take my comfort as seriously as I wish. Right now there is some anxiety we are dealing with. A wonder if we have what it takes, and if God thinks we have what it takes.

It is the in-between season. Appreciate your prayers.

Collaborative Leadership

Alistair Clarkson is perhaps the most successful modern AFL coach. Multiple premierships but more than that, so many of his associate coaches have gone on to success at other clubs.

Today he was featured in a press conference at his new club, North Melbourne. He talked about how he would be surrounding himself with other leaders who would push him but more than that, they would protect him from himself. It reminded me of the proverb, “Without wise leadership, a nation falls; there is safety in having many advisers” (Proverbs 11:14 NLT)

Alistair recognises a really important aspect of leadership. While he is the senior leader and presumably will have the final decision making power, he consults often with those whom he has surrounding him. And these are not people who will just say what he wants to hear. They will be ones that will respectfully push and challenge him, particularly if he is making a decision which they take issue with.

I see two major challenges with leadership. Firstly leading out of your own insecurity. I have done this. It is when you make a decision based on your own reaction to something that triggers insecurity within you. A false or real fear that something you are insecure about will be revealed. Others around you will see this reaction and help you navigate through your own anxiety.

Secondly in not being aware of things about yourself that others can see. You don’t know what you don’t know….about yourself. These can be painful lessons. As you mature in life you can get very upset, humbled and frustrated by your own failings. I know I have. But having people who believe in you, are able to see your strengths, and encourage you to keep going are invaluable if you are to grow as a leader. But you also need them to speak truth into your life.

People who speak the truth in love. These are the type of leaders a good leader will surround themselves with. It does not mean you won’t lead and make the hard decisions. It does not mean that sometimes you won’t feel alone or misunderstood. I do want to say, you still need to lead. But wisdom is to do it in community.

Saying no to Jesus

One of my biggest battles of the mind has been when people leave. I am preaching from Luke 10 this week where Jesus says that if someone does not receive the message, wipe the dust off your coat and move on.

Seems to me that is easy to say and hard to do. If you love people, and in particular the one you have just shared your life and faith with, it is hard to just shake it off and move on. I am not convinced Jesus had that type of callous heart either. Not when I see Him weep over Jerusalem and long to gather them up in his arms like a mother would a child.

I am reminded of the thought that my role may be seasonal. I may just be a part of their story. Like the 72 in Luke 10 were.

Hoping, believing, trusting and being patient.

Dissembling

Reading through an old commentary I came across the word ‘dissembling’ and the writer used it often. It means to hide or mask ones own feelings. In the commentary the author used it as a negative when someone is hypocritical about Jesus. They hide their true feelings towards Him. It is described as a sin to hide what you truly think.

I often ponder than I am too candid. That it is considered wrong to express what you are actually thinking with such directness. And I take that seriously, questioning myself often. Should I say that, should I share that. And that is a valid concern for me. I really need to be careful.

It is a compelling thought that hiding our true feelings is also an issue. Not revealing what is going on in our hearts and minds can lead to a less than honest relationship.

Once again I find myself striving for the radical middle.